In __________ We Trust....or do we?

As a young child, we all have "those people" that we look up to. It could be your mom, dad, sibling, grandparent, counselor, coach, teacher...the list is truly endless. The question is why? Why did we look up to these specific people? Were they fun? Were they loving? Did they encourage us? Were they there when no one else was? Once again, the list is endless. Take a minute to grab a piece of paper and write down the person and the why in your life. Perhaps there are a few different people from different stages of your life, or perhaps there is just one. Either way, take a moment to reflect on this person and their character traits that drew you in. 

I have felt compelled to write a blog on "Good Touch, Bad Touch" for a while now due many stories that have surfaced over the past few years. It seems like people are finally taking a stand on what's appropriate and what isn't. The "#metoo" campaign where celebrities, average Joe's, friends of mine, and other moms speak out against sexual assault and sharing their stories has also encouraged me. Well, I can say "#metoo" and join the crowd. I am not so much worried about myself and my voice about what happened to me. I have made up numerous excuses about why things happened to me and, of course, found blame in myself...not the other parties. I have coped and I am still learning to cope. I am married to an amazing man who has only the utmost respect for my body and for that I am forever grateful. I am married to someone who gives me confidence...not by grabbing my ass or staring at my non-existent boobs, but by encouraging me and complimenting me on a daily basis. I am proud of my husband and wish more men acted like he did. 

My family is about to grow by one in 2 weeks. We have two incredible boys, ages 3 & 6, and will welcome a little sister into the mix. Most people call me a "tiger mom" and express that I am too overprotective or "crazy". If you ask me, I am just protecting my children from avoidable situations. One learns a lot being a mother and teacher. I see things every single day that grab at my heart strings and pulls them as hard as it can. I see and hear about sexual assault on a daily basis. I am over it and I will do WHATEVER it takes to make sure it does not happen to my children.

Back to all those folks we trusted and looked up to when we were younger....what were they like? Who were they? My sister and I went to the YMCA camp when we were younger and there was the one "cool" camp counselor that people hung around with. He was the fun, outrageous, spontaneous, crazy counselor who would do anything to ensure the kids were having a good time. This counselor took kids on trips, DJ'd at all of our parties, and just always seemed to be around. Hell, I hired him 6 years ago to DJ my wedding because of my past knowledge of him and trust that he would do a great job with his charismatic personality. Well, he did a wonderful job and my wedding was amazing but not even two weeks ago his face starts popping up all over the news and on social media. He has been charged on 12 accounts of sexual assault/abuse with children back in the 90's. These brave souls came forward recently and now the small town I'm from sees this "awesome" person as a coward. Were the signs there? Could we have protected each other better? Are there more? The questions are endless...

I have gone back and forth on this article due to not wanting to hurt feelings or making people uncomfortable but honestly, I don't care if  make you uncomfortable. If you get uncomfortable because I tell you to move your hands or watch what you're doing around my child then maybe you have a problem. My children are MY children and I will dictate what I feel is "safe and appropriate" versus what is "uncomfortable and inappropriate".
I have created a list with help from websites, other moms, and my personal experiences. It is FULL of things that I find incredibly disturbing and from now on, I will be the voice for my child. I will remove them from uncomfortable situations and I will call out others.  This may not seem "mature" but I will protect my children from things that could have been avoided in the long run. I will do whatever it takes to make sure they always carried themselves with the confidence and innocence all kids deserve to have. I refuse to let anyone take away those qualities from my children because they are sick and perverted. 

Do NOT Ever:

• put your hands and fingers in or near their mouths 
• hold my child anywhere near their private area. Your arms should be overlapped on each other and locked to ensure security. They should never be near their private or on thighs.
• use the same stall as my children. They are old enough to go into their own stall and do their business without an audience. Also, they do not need to use the urinal yet either. They deserve their own privacy. Give it to them.
• shower with my child. Once again, they are old enough to shower alone.
• allow or encourage my child to run around without clothes on.
• tell my child to change in front of you or vice versa. They do not need an audience and are quite self-sufficient in the dressing department and hopefully you are too.
• lay with my child and put your hands under the covers. Your hands should be visible at all times and in your own space. 
• use inappropriate terminology around my children (dick, nuts, balls, etc) or say inappropriate jokes around them.
• keep secrets with my child. Our children are taught the difference between secrets and surprises. Secrets are inappropriate and bring strings of guilt to children.
• force my child to do anything. "No" means "No" and "Stop" means "Stop". 
• put my child's head in your lap.
• put your hands under my childs clothes for any reason.
• grab my child and set them in your lap. They will sit with you if they choose.
• go against my wishes. I am their parent, you are not. Do not go against what I say.
• tickling and “accidentally” touching genitalia...ever. 
• play activities that involve removing clothes (massage, swimming).
• play games that include touching genitalia (playing doctor to that extent).
• discuss/show sexually explicit information under the guise of education.

I know that there is so much more out there but this covers the gist of what I wanted to address. Now, I am sure that after you read all of that you are thinking, "Yep, she is a crazy mom." I want my children to know that they are the owners of their own bodies and are allowed to stand up to whoever when they feel uncomfortable.I want them to know they can come to me and tell me anything. I want them to feel comfortable talking about things that go on and asking any questions they may have. We talk to our children about their bodies and boundaries often and we will continue to do so. I am asking everyone who respects me in any way, shape, or form to read this and try to understand why this is so important. Please talk to your children about their bodies and what is ok vs not ok. We must advocate for them. I hate to say it but the majority of the time when sexual assault or abuse takes place...we know the coward doing it. And most of the time, it is someone we, and our children, trust. Let's break this pattern NOW.

If you read this far, thank you :) Please leave comments below to share your story or more ideas on how we can protect our children.